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Cafe Paradiso Kloof Street

I bought Café Paradiso! Yay! It’s mine! I am converting it back into a house and I shall live in it, very happily, for many years to come. 

That’s what I dreamt about after going there for dinner. From the moment I set foot in the restaurant I fell in love with it completely. The outdoor garden area has a beautiful water feature and on cold nights, fire displays, the rustic interior is decorated lovingly and the little upstairs balcony over-looking kloof street, is one of the cutest spots I have seen in some time.

Cafe Paradiso

We settled ourselves down next to the cozy fireplace upstairs, ordered a bottle of delicious, Kanonkop Kadette 2010 and I announced to my friends, “this is a happy place”.

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Sushi Box Newlands

Everyone who has read my Aqua reviews (yes, I wrote two), knows how much I love Terry Zhou’s sushi. The restaurant itself may not have been run all that well, but you could never fault it on the quality, range and inventiveness of the sushi.

But then Aqua closed down. The night I found out I honestly felt a sense of loss – ‘kinda like when Spur stopped The Salad Valley. I loved Salad Valley.

But then last week I got a message. A message that inspired such happiness, I could barely contain myself. TERRY IS WORKING AGAIN.

SushiBox. An ickle little restaurant in Newlands, giving the peeps of the Southern suburbs an alternative to try out, and making the old favourites of the ‘burbs quake in their chef’s hats.

Newlands Sushi

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Spiros Hout Bay Greek Restaurant

I wrote a long intro. I liked it. It made me giggle. But with the amount of food I am about to take you through, a long intro wouldn’t be appreciated.

Spiro’s is an Authentic Greek restaurant in the heart of Hout Bay. Although I’m not normally one for travelling (originally from Durban, it’s engrained in me that anywhere more than a 15 minute drive is very, very far) Spiro’s has so many loyal fans on Twitter that I had to give it a try.

Once we found the place (I navigate Hout Bay as well as I do Czechoslovakia) I was very hungry. You walk from a balcony filled with lovely little tables, perfect for a lunch; in to a Café-style seated area; to the left is an enclosed dining room; and to the right a kiddies play area, complete with dress-up station, face painting, toys, movies, plus a safe, outdoor play area with a jungle gym. It is child-heaven! Just amazing. I thought that was the whole restaurant, but you walk through a set of double doors, into another in-door dining area with big, round tables. Another set of doors takes you to the second outdoor area and a very vibey bar, complete with DJ. The entire restaurant can hold about 200: 80 inside and 120 al fresco.

With a Naked Mexican in hand (ha, I made a joke), I sat for a good 25 minutes trying to decide which starter to have. The only way to end my troubles, was to have all 9 that I wanted.

The roasted red pepper, feta and chilli dip is absolutely delish. Roasted red peppers can make a dip very sweet – which isn’t my thang – but this one was had so much feta and just the right amount of chilli, it was amazing. The Taramasalata, which is always my thang, didn’t disappoint. There is no way to describe it, other than perfect.

Keftedes (meatballs seasoned with mint) were served with tzatziki, which for a nice change, wasn’t too garlicky. Score. The meatballs on their own were a little on the dry-side, but the tzatziki saved them.

So often Spanakopita, which is traditionally made with Ricotta cheese, is too creamy and you lose the flavour of the spinach. Once again, Spiros didn’t disappoint. The phyllo pastry was light, the spinach plentiful and the cheese, creamy but not overpowering.

Go get a pen and write this down: Prawns Kataifi. If you haven’t had them before, book right now and go try them tonight. Prawns wrapped in shredded phyllo pastry, deep friend and served with a dill-yogurt dip. Magical.

Tiropitakia, which I have always known to be cheese pastries, was served as more of a savoury cheese and phyllo baked “pudding” or kugel (the type you eat, not the type that you laugh at). It was very heavy and rich, a hearty starter perfect for winter. Not my fave, but not bad at all.

If anything, Spiro’s is famous for their crispy fried squid heads. If you are a health frea… I mean, health conscious, look away now. You know how the best bit about fried chicken, is the fried chicken skin? How it is crispy, but soft and juicy and flavourful. Well, this is like a little bowl of that happiness.

Finally, we had both deep fried and grilled haloumi cheese, so we could compare the two. The haloumi itself was of an exceptional quality, not chewy at all, but soft and delicious. Obviously anything deep-fried is going to be great, but I really liked the grilled variety. I think I may have used the guise of a “comparison” as an excuse to try both. And I would do it again.

It took us quite some time, but after a significant period of digestion, relaxation and mental prep work, we were ready for mains.

Their chicken Souvlaki is 2 chicken skewers, basted with Extra Virgin Olive oil and lemon juice, grilled on an open flame and then served with chips, salad and Tzatziki. The flavour was spot on, but sadly the chicken itself was very dry.

On the other hand, the Kleftiko was MINDBLOWING. A lamb shank, with tomatoes, feta, olives and herbs, wrapped in tin foil and slow cooked for 6 hours, served with roasted potatoes. The lamb melted off the bone, the gravy was phenomenal and the potatoes were seasoned beautifully. It was an amazing dish that I am craving, as I write about it.

You would think that we stopped there, but we didn’t. Spiro’s don’t serve traditional Baklava *gasp of horror*. They serve the deconstructed version. Phyllo, caramelised nuts, honey, the whole she-bang; crushed and then topped with vanilla ice cream. It was great.  

This is going to be a strange explanation, but Spiro’s is like the El Burro of Hout Bay. It’s welcoming, the food is authentic and delicious, the owner knows all his patrons and if he doesn’t recognise someone, he makes an effort to introduce himself. Pretty much everyone who walked in, shook his hand, gave him a hug or slapped him fondly on the back. It kinda makes me wish that I lived in Hout Bay, something that no one/nothing, has ever been able to do. Spiro has a good, no great thing going and I will definitely be back for more.

PS: Oh gosh, I forgot that after Spiro saw us eyeing out the Filleto, he brought us a little portion to taste. Beef fillet basted in Extra Virgin Olive oil, lemon juice and oregano. It was so tender I almost inhaled it in one shot.

Directions to Spiro's

30 Main Road


Hout Bay

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The Reserve Cape Town

Over the last few months, I read and heard about this club slash restaurant slash bar, which opened up in Cape Town, called “The Reserve”. I heard it was fancy. I heard it was pretentious. I heard that it was extravagant. I heard that only the rich and famous went there. I heard so much and promptly decided that I didn’t like it.

It was mainly because I was bitter. I hadn’t looked at the menu because I was sure that I wouldn’t be able to afford it, but then one day a friend showed it to me and I realised two things:

  1. It’s not as expensive as I had imagined.
  2. Even if it was, it’s worth it.

The Reserve is in the old Standard Bank building. On the one side is a gorgeous nightclub, in the middle is a beautiful and extravagant restaurant and in the back, a cosy cigar lounge with an enormous fireplace. A lot of the features, such as the iron windows, arches and even one of the oldest working lifts in South Africa, are original or have been restored, giving the building an historic and regal appearance and feel.

As you can read in their (very pretentious, I must admit) online description, the Head Chef, Alex has cooked around the world and served the likes of Bono and Bruce Willis, so there is no way that the menu itself could disappoint. We just hoped that the food matched our ENORMOUS expectations.

Beef Fillet

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On a Roll Gourmet Hot Dogs in Cape Town

Think Gourmet. Royale & Hudson’s have been strong favourites in Cape Town offering gourmet burgers while SGT Pepper has been serving gourmet pizzas in Stellenbosch & on Long Street for a while now. But there is a new kid on the block.

On a Roll

A normal hot dog with ketchup or mustard and a few onions isn’t good enough. Sometimes you want a little more than just a plain old sausage. On a Roll offers 13 different styles of gourmet hot dogs with ten different types of sausages to choose from including a Vegetarian option called Lucky 13. Each hot dog comes with a side serving of chips and three sauces: a hot chilli & garlic paste, Portuguese Prego sauce and gherkin relish (which I preferred the most). If you haven’t eaten in the last few days and are about to faint, you can also order additional sides for R25. But trust me: These dogs will fill you right up!

The restaurant has a genuine American diner feel to it from the music that they played throughout the evening to the picture of Elvis and hot dog inspired art on the walls. I absolutely loved it! It has a very relaxed atmosphere where you can enjoy the evening with good friends and everyone will have a good time. The restaurant is divided into two sections: The bar area which also has foosball tables (which make for a good game after eating a delicious dog) and the dining area which also lets you view into the kitchen.

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Jackal and Hide Launch

The launch of Jackal & Hide last week, saw the who’s who of Cape Town come together to eat, drink and be merry. It was a night of class, elegan… Pffft, who am I kidding. I don’t write “who’s who”, I didn’t know most of the people there and I pretty much sat with my two friends, eating, drinking and being merry, all on our own.

Jackal & Hide Kloof Street

Jackal & Hide is a new restaurant and bar at the top of Kloof Street. From around the corner leading up to the restaurant are little paw prints, which had me (in my high heels) running up the road, giggling gleefully like a child – small things entertain me, this is your cue to mention something regarding small minds.

The venue is incredible. IN.CRED.I.BLE. From was once a dodgy old building, it has been redesigned to create the loveliest set up. The restaurant has been raised above street level and with Table Mountain on your one side and a view down the whole of Kloof and into town on the other, you have plenty nature and/or people and/or hipsters to gaze at in wonder. The restaurant itself is quirky, cool and sophisticated, all in rolled up in one. The perfect location to rent for functions, go to for drinks or just to enjoy a good meal.

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Keenwa Peruvian Restaurants Cape Town
Me: I’m going to a Peruvian restaurant.
Friend: Cool. What do Peruvians’ eat?
Me: Uhhh… food.
Friend: Ya, what food?
Me: Food, food. It goes in their mouths. They eat it. You know, food?

Friend: Gosh, you are wise.

To be honest, up until last week I pretty much knew ‘zilch’ about Peruvian food. I don’t even think I would have been able to pinpoint it on a map. I’m not very good at Geography.

With no preconceptions and an exceptionally empty stomach I went to Keenwa.

The double storey restaurant has space to seat about 45 inside and 20 alfresco. Upstairs is a bar that can be rented out for functions, where you can smoke hubbly bubbly/nagila. The owner, German (pronounced Gggghhher-mun) moved to Cape Town in 2008 and has brought all his staff here from Peru. Although the décor wasn’t my fave, the authenticity of the menu got me all giddy with excitement as I prepared myself to eat at South Africa’s first Peruvian restaurant.

I had been recommended Pisco Sours, a drink that both the Peruvians and Chileans claim to have created. Pisco, similar to tequila, mixed with lemon and/or lime juice, sugar and frothed egg whites. A few tables around me were knocking them back with great satisfaction I tried to do the same, but completely misjudged my sip, so the egg went up my nose and the tequila hit me in that spot, you know that little spot, which makes your hair stand up on end, your head creak to the left and sends shivers down your spine? Yeah, it didn’t bode well for me.

Pisco Sour

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La Mouette’s Twitterati Party

I almost missed booking my spot at La Mouette’s #TwitteratiParty. Had this happened I would have gone through all the motions of loss. I would have cried, thrown a tantrum, been distraught, fallen into deep denial, stalked someone who was going, gone outside the venue and glared angrily at everyone and finally, made peace (a bit). Lucky for me, and the rest of civilisation, I booked just in time.

A little background knowledge. Twitter training 101: Not all of you may be au fait with Twitter but when you put a # (hashtag) before a word, it links anyone who uses the same # together. If enough people use the same tag, the topic will “trend” be it in Cape Town, South Africa or Worldwide. Also, every person on Twitter has what is called a “handle” or a profile name, which starts with an @ sign, for example, I am @KayliVee. Congratulations, you have reached the end of this tutorial, please rate our course online at:

La Mouette has hosted four #TwitteratiParty’s (yes, I know that’s not how you pluralise “party”, but it’s pretty much a brand name) over the past few years, and each time, it gets bigger and bigger. Although they refuse to exceed the 90-100 person limit, I hear that the cancellations list was longer then Julius Malema’s RAP-sheet. The party is advertised and organised COMPLETELY on Twitter, so obviously if you want to attend you have to have an active account.

After 2 months of waiting,the day finally arrived. I sauntered in through the door, pretending to be confident, paid my R150 and stuck my name badge (Twitter handle of course) firmly on my chest. I looked around confidently (read: nervously) in the hopes that I would know someone.

La Mouette Twitter Party

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A Tavola Claremont

 In my last review I allowed a platter of starters to defeat me. I am ashamed. How I could have let this happen I’m not quite sure. Many people actually messaged me to say they were disappointed in my level of gluttony. I disappointed myself. I knew I had to up my game. What could be more rich, more decadent and more indulgent then Mediterranean food? Oh, but one thing…

A Tavola
Italian Restaurant Cape Town
Claremont Restaurant
Kenilworth Restaurant Pasta
A Tavola, on the border of Claremont and Kenilworth, has red drapery, moody lighting and wooden furniture, reminiscent of an old-fashioned, family-owned restaurant on a cobbled street in Sicily. David, chef and co-owner, who studied at a cooking academy just outside of Rome, told us that although creatively he wants to try extravagant, fusion dishes, he insists on staying true to real Italian cooking.
David told me that South Africans can’t eat like Italians, so I told him to put me to the test.
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Rocca Cape Quarter

Do you remember that advert where the guy was so comfortable in the hotel that he was staying in, that he walked around half-naked? If not, Google it. If you do remember, well, that was me last week. Half-naked, in a restaurant, drinking tea.

I am lying. Lying through my teeth. At no point was I half naked and a cup of tea didn’t even cross my mind. What I won’t lie about is the amazing night I had last week at Rocca in the Cape Quarter. Rocca is a Mediterranean restaurant, owned and run by a lovely man named Costa, who is one of those guys who honestly seems to know, and care about each and every one of his customers. I felt so comfortable and at home in the restaurant that I had to remind myself to put my shoes back on and take my feet off the chair next to me. Although it wasn’t as if anyone would have cared.

Cape Quarter Rocca

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The Mussel Bar Camps Bay


The Mussel Bar Camps Bay

The Mussel Bar, unlike the rest of The Bay, has a down to earth and relaxed atmosphere. People chill on their own, reading a book and sipping on a delicious Pink Mojito, couples cuddles up in the corner and wild tables drink a draft (or 12) of craft beer.

The general idea is a simple one: If you are allergic to shellfish, The Mussel Bar is not for you. There is only one thing on the menu and yes, well done for guessing it right, the only thing on the menu is perfectly cooked, wonderfully seasoned, mussels.

Gorgeous, fresh Saldanha Bay mussels in a beer sauce, served with chunky fries, rosemary salt, aioli and home-made bread. The beer sauce had a base of celery, onion, a hint of garlic and a dash of cream and although it is creamy, it isn’t heavy or overpowering at all. A thick, rich cream sauce that detracts from the flavour of the mussels is the last thing you would want. The fries were more like wedges, great crispy wedges of happiness and the rosemary salt and aioli were lovely for dipping.

Camps Bay Restaurant

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La Mouette Tasting Menu

I love a bit of friendly competition and I love food. So combining the two can only be a good time. When my friend and I went to La Mouette the other night and each had one of their tasting menus, and created the “My Menu is Better than Yours” competition. Best competition ever.

La Mouette is found on Regent Road, Seapoint in a beautiful double storey house. It is run by English Chef, Henry Vigar and his wife Mari Vermaak. When they found the house they immediately fell in love with it. As Mari seated us at our cute corner table next to a roaring fire, she rubs her hand against the wall and says, “This is like our second home. Is there any better place to work? We mixed the paint ourselves and varnished the doors. It really is home.”

Every month La Mouette creates 2 new tasting menus (with the option of vegetarian), a 6-course for R150 without wine and R300 with, and an 8-course at R240 without wine and R480 with.


ROUND 1: The Bloody Mary vs. Nothing

Well, the 8-course wins this round by forfeit as there was no competition. A spiced tomato jelly, with celery, black pepper and pale tomato foam. An interesting start to the meal. The contrasting textures were fabulous and the jelly, which tasted like solid tomato juice, was wonderfully spicy. 8-Course WINS!

La Mouette Tasting Menu

ROUND 2: Truffle & Cheese Croquettes vs. Onion Bhaji and Potato Samoosa

So now that the 6-course decided to come to the party, the competition was on. Croquettes are small, fried “dumplings”, for lack of a better word and they were served with a smoky tomato aioli. Crispy and golden on the outside, you bit into them and truffle-infused cheese oozed into your mouth. When dipped in the cool aioli, it was a flavour sensation which left me struggling to share.

The onion Bhaji, or onion fritters, were light and crisp and the perfectly curried potato samoosa, was rich with wonderfully authentic flavours. When dipped in the yogurt and spiced tomato chutney, the combination of flavours made the dish and the sprinkle of spring onion on top, added an extra depth which I thoroughly enjoyed.  This said, the croquettes were just too magnificent for their own good. 8-Course WINS!

La Mouette Review La Mouette Review

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El Burro Green Point

14 years ago I suffered from a particularly unpleasant bout of food poisoning after eating a dodgy taco; ever since I have been weary of Mexican food. So when El Burro opened in Greenpoint, I wasn’t all that thrilled at the prospect of trying out what I heard was a homage to traditional Mexican cuisine. Combine this with my complete and utter fear of tequila, which has also given me uhhh… food poisoning so many countless times, so I was pretty much walking into a nightmare. This said, since I have been on two occasions, I am going to talk about both experiences blended into one.

El Burro Green Point El Burro Cocktails Mexican


Although I don’t have the same innate love for Mexican food as I do for Indian food or of course, sushi, El Burro is a place I will definitely return to. It’s a vibrant, trendy restaurant whose owners value each and every one of their customers. It’s relaxed and comfortable atmosphere is something many restaurants could learn from.

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Aqua Sushi Menu

For me to go back to the same restaurant regularly means that it really has to have something special going on. Oh, with the exception of my hungover KFC cravings. Or hot waiters. Or cheap alcohol. Or… *ahem*… Ya, so something special. Like at Aqua, a restaurant I find myself particularly drawn to.

The venue, although strangely designed, is very pretty, the location is ideal, the staff are pretty damn funny and the sushi, well, the sushi is fan-f******-tastic.

They have all the usual stuff found at all sushi restaurants but then they have the fusion menu which has recently been revealed to the public. Everything on the fusion menu is half price, there is literally no excuse not to give it a try. You WILL NOT regret it.

Here is just a glimpse of the incredible sushi menu:

  1. An amazing starter platter of endemame beans; salmon roses; bamboo and salmon roses; springbok roses; spicy seared salmon; tempura aubergine, courgette, onion and prawn served with a spicy ponzu dipping sauce.

  2. Tempura Rainbow rolls. Salmon, crab and prawn, served within a single circular tempura served with eel sauce.

  3. “Boerewors Roll”. Spicy salmon tartar, wrapped in seaweed and served with a smokey brown mayo dressing.

  4. Springbok Rainbow Rolls. Springbok carpaccio, with an avocado and creamcheese filling. Topped with apricot mayo.


Aqua Sushi Menu Cape Quarter Cape Quarter Aqua
Sushi Cape Quarter Aqua Sushi Menu


And this was just the start of it. Aqua fusion menu is quite honestly, outta this world. I am addicted.


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Casa Nostra and Sakura Sushi Bar in Sea Point

Never order seafood from a steak house. Why? ‘Coz it’s going to be awful. Never order steak from a seafood restaurant. Why? ‘Coz it’s going to be equally as awful.

The general rule, is that if a restaurant specialises in one style of cooking, they are only making the other styles to try and placate fussy eaters and not because they are particularly good at it. Don’t get me wrong, there are restaurants that pull it off, but let’s be honest, most of them don’t.

Until I discovered Casa Nostra and Sakura.

Casa Nostra Sakura

These restaurants, nestled side by side in the heart of Sea Point are separate entities who have joined forces to create a hybrid Power Ranger style mishmash, bringing two completely different food styles together.

The two restaurants have separate kitchens, Casa Nostra a little piece of home-style Italian greatness; and the wonderful, Sakura Sushi Bar, who offer the best salmon roses. Ever.

You can order from either restaurant and the staff from each are friendly and inviting. Whilst sitting on the balcony eating a sushi starter and waiting for my lamb shank to arrive, I watched little old ladies with purple hair attempting to cross the road, bergies drinking out of bottles in brown paper bags, and men on cell phones jetting furiously past, and I decided that this little restaurant-marriage was a bloody good idea. I want one.

PS: They have wine tasting, sponsored by a different farm each week, and snacks every Friday night. It’s GREAT.

PPS: If you get a little drunk tasting that wine, here’s how to get home!

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Marrakech Moraccan Cafe

From age 15 to age 18 I worked in a Moroccan restaurant. Yes, it was indeed child slave labour. They had me scrubbing floors with a red bendy toothbrush with only 23 bristles, picking pieces of gum off the bottoms of chairs and tables with my teeth and fanning customers with palm leaves for 18 hours without a break. Even under these strenuous conditions I was able to learn a lot. So I do know my tahmira from my karfa and my tagine from my kofta. Hence when I was invited to Marrakech Moroccan Café on Long, my expectations were pretty high from the start.

Marrakech Moraccan Café which I shall now fondly call MMC because it is far to long to type every time, opened about 7 weeks ago on Long street. I had trouble locating it, but my sense of direction is nothing to go by, so a good reference point is that it is actually inside the centre, 210 on Long.

It’s a quaint (I can’t believe I just said quaint) little restaurant decked out in bright Moroccan-inspired fabrics with comfy couches and a warm atmosphere. It sits about 25 inside and another 15 or so on the patio, where you can smoke a Hubbly Bubbly/Nag/ Negilah/Hookah for just R30.

Morrocan Restaurant Cape Town Review Hookah Restaurant Cape Town

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The Top of the Ritz Sea Point


As a kid, nothing got me quite like a gimmick. Little dolls whose nappies went blue or pink when you bathed them to determine gender, lollypops with a whistle at the bottom and shoes with lights in them! Now that I am slightly more grown up its pens with torches at the top, laptops which scan your face instead of typing a password and RESTAURANTS WHICH REVOLVE! Luckily for us, the only revolving restaurant in the whole of the Western Cape is found right in the heart of Sea Point and it's aptly named, The Top of the Ritz.

Top of the Ritz

21-storees up, this magical little piece of moving real estate, takes you right back to the 1970s. A live band, subdued golden lighting, richly textured wall paper, grandiose décor and a menu which would have Liza Minelli smiling.

You enter through the hotel and go up to the 20th floor, where you find the bar which is stocked with every liquor you could imagine; the lounge, set with comfy leather couches and the smoking area. A flight of stairs takes you up to the restaurant which seats 120 people and you are immediately struck by the sensational views. Once taken to your table you will definitely spend the first ten minutes talking about the following: How fast are we going? Hey look, if I put my hand here I am being dragged! How do the waiters find their tables? How do people find their way back if they go to the toilet? Hey, which way are we facing? Etc etc.

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HQ Headquarters Cape Town

Lakjsdhalksdjcnalskjvnlsvjn. Sorry, please excuse my grumbling stomach.

I once went to a restaurant which advertised itself as a Mediterranian-European-Asian-fusion-style-restaurant-with-an-American-and-South-African-undertone. There were so many choices on the 26 page menu that I promptly picked myself up and left. 

I am not a great fan of enormous variety on a menu because it spreads the kitchen to thin. Whether it is that the chefs weren’t able to narrow down their best dishes; that they felt that having 400 million options made them seem more capable; or that they were attempting to accommodate to many tastes, it makes for a weaker menu and a higher risk for disappointment. Also, when there are to many options to choose from, I get stage-fright, unable to decide on anything.

That’s why I love Headquarters (HQ). There is no choice because the menu is set: salad, sirloin and chips. All you have to do is choose how you want your steak done.

Last week Monday, three of us were driving around and trying to decide on somewhere to go for a quick dinner, when suddenly from the back seat a friend gurgled, “Steak. Want. HQ. Now.” And that was it. We all went into panic mode as she frantically called her boyfriend and insisted that he joined us instantly because:



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Fugu Review Wembley Square


The last time I won anything, I was 12 years old and my prize was 6 tickets to the circus. I thought I was the shizznizz. Since then I haven’t been the luckiest individual (although I insist that one day I will win the lotto) until the other day, when I followed @FuguRestaurant on Twitter and within seconds they messaged me to say I had won a R50 meal voucher. I felt like a small child again.

Fugu is in Wembley Square. Virgin Active is in Wembley Square. Fugu and Virgin Active share a parking lot. So when walking through the parking lot you are bound to encounter some men and women who have just left gym. Somehow they are all pristine even though still in gym clothes, and the women have full make up on and their hair is perfectly styled. I could almost swear that it’s not a gym, but rather a cult where the prerequisites for entry are a tan, the wearing of heavy make-up and a kugel accent. Needless to say, I bounded quite swiftly into the safety of Fugu to get away from the cult warriors and the “exercise guilt” that comes with them.

Sushi Fugu 

Fugu is a trendy restaurant and bar with a great relaxed yet classy atmosphere. The setting is modern, yet comfortable and if I lived in Wembley Square I think I would spend a small fortune there every week. However both their sushi and fusion menus are incredibly well-priced and the specials menu is so affordable I was convinced that the food could not match the descriptions. I was wrong. 

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Beefcakes Green Point

I’ve been to Beefcakes twice and on both occasions I have two feelings which stick out above all others. 1. Happy and 2. Drunk.

Beefcakes, is a 50’s style burger bar found in the heart of Greenpoint. Pretty much everything is pink or white, including the decorative flamingos, piano and glitter balls. There’s a stage filled with props like hats, wings, masks, glasses, boas’ etc etc given to customers to wear. It’s kitsch, its over-the-top and it’s a really, REALLY good time, especially because of the live entertainment held 3 nights a week. I have been on a Tuesday for Bitchin’ Bingo with Rhys Woods and on a Thursday for the Variety Musical Drag Night where Mary Scary (who now has her own Wednesday night show) proved that she is the bitch with the biggest voice in Cape Town.

Looking around Beefcakes, pretty much everyone is male and attractive. Ladies, although they may not want to get into your pants (sorry), these gorgeous examples of mankind are always full of compliments to throw your way. The staff, who are almost all jocks (generally without tops) are even more beautiful and for R200 you can get down and dirty and lick a shot off one of their ridiculous bodies.

I don’t know what the actual name is, but a cocktail called something along the lines of “Jim’s Gin Gym Gin and Gin” is incredible. Ginger, lime, gin, ginger ale – it is so good you can’t even taste the alcohol (see feelings 1 and 2 above). Another equally delicious and possibly even stronger cocktail was the “Pink Tea” which was lemonade laced with the 5 white spirits and watermelon liquor.

Each burger has the option of beef, chicken, lamb or ostrich (there is a veg option, but it isn’t made all that clear) but Beefcakes recommends their patty of choice. You can also choose between spicy wedges, chips or salad as an accompaniment. 



Beefcakes Burgers

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